Letting go gives us freedom, and freedom is the only condition for happiness.-Thick Nhat Hanh
It has been so beautiful and extremely hot in Southern California, and I have been taking full advantage of this heat and summer weather in October. I have also been coming to the beach a lot to write and clear my head. Been working a lot, so I spend a lot of time alone during the week, which is nice because it allows me to focus on whatever is going on with me in my mind and heart.
Growing up in Orange County, I was only 20 minutes away from Laguna Beach. So, I have spent the majority of my life hanging out here, and even though this secluded quiet paradise is so close to me, coming here I feel like I am a million miles away from home. My sweet escape, especially during the week and in October, barely anyone around, and if so, just a few locals enjoying the stunning scenery for the day.
My pocket sized paradise that feels like it only belongs to me. This is where I embrace the quiet solitude and enjoy the sounds of the crashing ocean. And I just let everything go. I let frivolous feelings or worries go, and focus on my thoughts for a moment to make sense of what is on my mind for the day.
That is why even when I am not in the best of moods, all I have to do is come here, and it’s like the ocean just washes everything away, and I just hang out in the present moment. What especially helps is writing everything down that I am thinking or feeling.
This week I have been feeling kind of low, I think I am still adjusting to being home for a bit which is still weird for me to process. I think I have just been feeling uninspired and feeling like nothing is really solid or extremely happy going on in my life. But patience is a virtue, and I needed to slow down my life for awhile, and spend time with loved ones at home. I have many things to be blessed and fortunate about, so being at the beach the other day, I was trying to make sense of what was going on with me.
As I was writing, I was thinking about things that were possibly making me feel low, was it from things going on in the present moment, or things from the past, was I missing Hawaii, or feeling bored at home?
All of a sudden, while I am in full writing mode on the beach, trying to figure it out, under a cave in Laguna, hiding from the massive heat under some shade, I hear, “Jen?!” And I look up, and I see what I think is a mirage of a person who looks like my friend Kurtis from Hawaii. And it was him in the flesh, not an illusion from the heat! I was so stunned that it was really him, that it literally took me 30 seconds to realize who I was seeing before I could throw down my journal, get up, and give him 2 hugs in complete disbelief.
It was so nice to catch up with him and reminisce about our time in Hawaii, and how far we’ve come, and what we loved about the island life. Also, how it was still nice to come back home after living like a traveler for such a long time out there. He is from Huntington Beach, and just moved back home to California from Hawaii less than 24 hours prior, and out of all the beaches in Southern California, on a hot Wednesday afternoon, when most people are at work, we end up running into each other on a secluded beach in Laguna. Under a cave no less! Crazy!
I think I’ve just been feeling lonely and low, and whenever you feel low, it seems like us as emotionally burdened humans, we tend to think about things from the past, not being happy in the present, or we let negative worries about the future consume us.
We just try to make sense of whatever we are feeling in the moment. When sometimes they are just feelings that don’t need to be justified, just embraced and processed, in order to make sense of it, and then let go. I mean Hawaii was such a thrilling and cathartic experience, but with big changes like that, especially in a new territory, you face a lot of things about yourself, and learn a lot, so it can also be a very up and down experience. But all worth the rewarding feeling in the end of accomplishment, because you have evolved and grown into a better version of yourself. So, I guess I needed a reminder like that from Hawaii to show how far I have really come as a person even though it might feel hard right now being home.
I thought I would take the time to share that sweet surprise, just in case you needed a reminder today, to let anything weighing on your mind go that you are feeling in the moment. Because I feel the timing of seeing Kurtis, and seeing him in such an unexpected random way, while I am literally in mid thought, and writing about why I am feeling low, that it was just such a nice reminder from the universe or fate, that you might have had or are having negative things happening in you life, or your life maybe doesn’t end up the way you expected it or wished it to, but in reality we shouldn’t focus on being upset that negative things happened, but happy about the beautiful things we did get out of more challenging times. Let go of the negative so you can be free and happy.
Starting as a kid, sometimes you grow up to thirst for a life that you think you want or deserve, and when things take an unexpected turn, or major changes happen in your life, we tend to focus more on the negative things going on than the beautiful happy times we did get out of it. Like, with friendships, or relationships, especially for me being back home, a lot of my relationships changed, and I do feel like I have a lot of loss, and lost a lot of friends, but looking back and seeing Kurtis, reminds me of all the new beautiful experiences or new relationships I got to have in return. Being home for my birthday, and reconnecting with my old friends, reminds me of all the love that I do still have as well. And sometimes, even when you feel like you’ve lost people along the way, they can always come back into your life unexpectedly, or sometimes they were just meant to play a special small part in your life story. And knowing them, positive or negative, they still made an impact someway on your life, and knowing them can change you for the better.
Sharing my random thoughts from my journal to you, happy living!